DAILY DIRT: There are definite advantages to being old

March 22, 2025 | By Steve Eighinger Muddy River News Minister of Culture and Doctor of Love

Opinion

Daily Dirt for Saturday, March 22, 2025

Other than, of course, being old … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 1,235 of The Daily Dirt

1. I had a younger friend send me the following this week. I assume he thought it was funny.

The message dealt with “the perks of being over 70 and heading toward 80” … hmmm:

Kidnappers are very interested in you. (Well, he does have a point … )
People call at 8 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?” (OK, I take offense to this one. Anyone who knows me knows my evening does not even start until around midnight.)
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size. (I think you’ll have to ask Mrs. Eighinger about this one, although I feel confident I would know her answer in advance.)
In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first. (A definite plus.)
No one expects you to run — anywhere. (The last time I literally ran anywhere was probably in the 1980s on a softball field.)
You can eat supper at 5 pm. (Seriously? That’s about lunch time for me. I like to sleep late. Very late.)
Things you buy now won’t wear out. (Ouch. That one really hurts.)
You can’t remember who sent you this list. (Not true. It was … ummm … ummm … )

2. Did you know (Part 310)

That a larger percentage of older men (70 percent) than older women (48 percent) are married. (Does that mean those older men are marrying younger women?)
That people over 65 watch more television than anyone. The Bureau of Labor Statistics found those 65-over spend about four hours a day watching TV. People ages 15 to 44 watch TV for only two hours a day.
That according to data compiled by the Social Security Administration, a man reaching age 65 today can expect to live, on average, until age 84.3. A woman turning age 65 today can expect to live 86.6.
That Jeanne Louise Calment was the oldest human who lived — for 122 years and 164 days. She was born in France on Feb. 21, 1875, and died at a nursing home in Arles in southern France, on Aug. 4, 1997.
That a Gallup Poll informed that people get much happier after the age of 50. Another poll from Merrill Lynch found that 70 percent of people over 65 report feeling relaxed more often than not.

3. If you’re a regular reader of The Daily Dirt, you know we love those personalized license plates.

So I obviously enjoyed another email this week, this one from a buddy concerning some of the bizarre license plate requests he found that had been rejected across the country. Here are a few of the highlights:

IHAVE2P
PIMP WGN
SHYT CAR
OLDASF
FU NJ
QUK AS FK
MOO BTCH
MOODYAF
MY WILLY
FKADUK
MAGA AF
UP YURZ
3FNKIDS
DEEZNUZ

Steve Thought O’ The Day – If I live to 122 like that woman in France, that means I would last until 2076 and would have four kids all over the age of 90 (assuming they stick around, too). Maybe we could all live in the same nursing home.