Daily Dirt: There are definitely some things we can live without … and who will be first MLB manager to get canned?

The bottled-water thing has confused me for years. So have those huge rolls of toilet paper … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 267 of The Daily Dirt.

1. I’ve come to the conclusion that we, as a civilized society, could live without the following:

Bottled water: We all have access to faucets, folks.

Greeting cards: The Good Lord gave us e-mail for a reason. “Hi, Bob! Happy birthday! Hope you have a great day!” What did I just save there, about $10? That’s a good burger and fries and your favorite fast-food joint.

Storage rental units: Or at least most of them. Think about it … how many of you have stuff put away in those things that you haven’t even looked at for YEARS. Throw it away, or donate it. Use the money you will save for more burgers and fries.

Infomercials: If we all agreed not to watch, maybe they would simply disappear. (Except for those ones selling 1960s music collections. I love those things.)

Excess towels: I would estimate in our house there are enough dish towels to supply everyone in Adams County with at least three. And bath towels? I’m pretty sure if everyone in Adams County opted to shower at the same time, they could have at least two towels compliments of Chateau Eighinger. 

Pop and/or country music since 2000: For the most part, it’s simply terrible. Call me old. I don’t care.

The USFL, XFL or any other pro football league besides the NFL: We have 32 NFL teams at our disposal, not to mention satellite and cable TV. We have no need for the Birmingham Stallions or New Jersey Generals.

More flavors of soda: Do we really need anything else besides Coke, Pepsi and Mountain Dew? Nope. (PUBLISHER’S NOTE: Root Beer, Ginger Ale and 7-Up would like a word…JRG)

Ball-point pens: It’s a gel-pen world, baby.

Those giant-sized rolls of toilet paper: Have you noticed how difficult it is to find a dozen rolls of “normal”- o “average”-sized rolls of TP? All most stores are carrying now are those monstrous rolls designed for the Fifth Infantry. Some won’t even fit on the household TP bar.

2. If I were a wagering man, I would bet the following MLB managers have the best chances of being fired this season:

Tony LaRussa, Chicago White Sox: The game has passed Tony by, which is a shame. The Chisox should win the AL Central by 20 games, but they may not even win it period, which would be a tragedy.

David Bell, Cincinnati Reds: Bell got saddled with a mess and is trying to make the most of it, but the cheapskate Reds have absolutely no hope. And since you can’t fire the team or the owner, guess who will get the axe?

Chris Woodward, Texas Rangers: The Strangers spent $500 million on offensive free agents, apparently forgetting about a pitching staff that is (still) atrocious. Just like Bell in Cincinnati, Woodward’s head is bound for the chopping block.

3. Here’s our medal-worthy license plates spotted over the past week. How many will crack the updated 2022 Great Plate rankings later this week?

Gold medal: DRAGON 6. Obviously, a Rickey “The Dragon” Steamboat pro wrestling fan.

Silver medal: LEFTY 80: Obviously, a fan of Steve Carlton, who won the 1980 National League Cy Young Award.

Bronze medal: CROPPY 2. Obviously, a fisherman … or a bad farmer. 

Steve Thought O’ The Day — Steve is offering some of those giant-sized rolls of toilet paper for those in need.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. Go read his story about the return of dirt track racing to Adams County in Muddy River Sports.