DAILY DIRT: Watch what you do in Florida in after 6 p.m.
And never, ever mess with Chuck Norris … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 773 of The Daily Dirt.
1. We can never get enough of those crazy laws that are still on the books in some states.
Here are the latest and the greatest:
- — It’s illegal in Alaska to whisper in someone’s ear if they are moose hunting.
- — In Missouri, driving with an uncaged bear in your car is illegal.
- — In Texas, it’s a crime to shoot a buffalo from the second story of any hotel.
- — It is illegal to fart in any public place in Florida after 6 p.m.
- — Illinois bans giving your pup or kitten a lighted cigar.
- — Oklahoma fines people for making ugly faces at dogs.
- — In Alabama, it’s illegal to wear a fake moustache in church that causes laughter.
- — It’s also illegal to chain your alligator to a fire hydrant.
- — In California it is illegal to set a mouse trap without a hunting license.
- — A local ordinance in Atwoodville, Conn., prohibits people from playing Scrabble while waiting for a politician to speak.
- — Florida law forbids rats to leave the ships docked in Tampa Bay.
- — It is illegal in Georgia to use profanity in the presence of a corpse.
- — In Louisiana, biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault”.
- — In Waterville, Maine, it is illegal to blow one’s nose in public.
- — A Michigan law states that a wife’s hair legally belongs to her husband.
- — In Temperance, Miss., you can’t walk a dog without dressing it in diapers.
- — In the Nebraska town of Waterloo, barbers are forbidden from eating onions between 7 a.m. and 7 p.m.
- — In Las Vegas, Nev., it’s against the law to pawn your dentures.
- — In Asheville, N.C.,, it is illegal to sneeze on city streets.
- — In Tennessee it is illegal to catch a fish with a lasso.
- — You can be legally married in Texas by publicly introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.
- — Although no longer enforced, there was once a law in Salem, Va., that made it illegal to leave home without knowing where you were going.
2. More on the man, the myth, the legend: Chuck Norris:
- Chuck Norris doesn’t need a watch. He decides what time it is.
- Chuck Norris gets up so fast that he can see himself sleeping.
- Chuck Norris does not age. Time simply does not want to mess with him.
- Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
- Chuck Norris uses a parachute when skydiving. That’s because 65 million years ago he didn’t, and look what happened to the dinosaurs.
- Chuck Norris’s dog picks up its own sh*t, because Chuck Norris doesn’t take sh*t from anyone.
3. Here are this week’s top three NFL picks from the board the Daily Dirt’s board of directors:
Miami (6-2) at Kansas City (6-2): A battle of division leaders, and there be points aplenty. Prediction: Miami 45, Kansas City 42.
Dallas (5-2) at Philadelphia (7-1): A “must” game for the Cowboys? Probably so. Prediction: Philadelphia 31, Dallas 17.
Buffalo at Cincinnati: This is the Sunday night game, and should be a good one. Those hoping for snow in Buffalo will have to wait. Temperatures are supposed to be in the high 40s. Prediction: Buffalo 28, Cincinnati 24.
Steve Thought O’ The Day — None of those laws in Thought No. 1 applies to Chuck Norris.
Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. Let’s hope his prediction on the Cowboys’ game is wrong.
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