DAILY DIRT: We may only rank No. 47, but at least we’re ahead of Chad, Lesotho and Eswatini

Daily Dirt for Tuesday, Jan. 23, 2024

Whenever Mick Jagger opens his mouth, you just know whatever he says will be entertaining. You’ll understand better in a minute … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 848 of The Daily Dirt.

1. Whoaaaaa!!!

I just read the life expectancy of the average American is now 79.7 years, according to the World Health Organization. 

That doesn’t sound too bad — until you consider that it ranks only No. 47 among all the countries in the world. What? Are we still eating too many cheeseburgers?

Here’s the latest top 10, compiled from data through 2023:

• 1. Hong Kong, 85.8 years.
• 2. Macao, 85.5 (Yeah, I have no idea where Macao is either …)
• 3. Japan, 84.9.
• 4. Switzerland, 84.3
• 5. Singapore, 84.3.
• 6. Italy, 84.2.
• 7. South Korea, 84.1.
• 8. Spain, 83.9.
• 9. Malta, 83.8.
• 10. Australia, 83.7.

At the opposite end of the spectrum, here are the lowest average life spans of the globe’s 201 countries:

• 1. Chad, 53.7 years.
• 2. Nigeria, 53.9.
• 3. Lesotho, 54.9. (Is this near Macao, by chance?)
• 4. Central African Republic, 55.5.
• 5. South Sudan, 56.5
• 6. Somalia, 57.4.
• 7. Eswatini, 57.7. (Your guess is as good as mine.)
• 8. Namibia, 59.5.
• 9. Guinea, 59.6.
• 10. Mali, 60.0.

And just so you know:

• Macau is the “second special administrative region of China”. I would imagine it’s a great time living in Macau.
• Lesotho is in southern Africa and is a “high altitude, landlocked kingdom”. Another prime vacation spot, I’m sure.
• Eswatini used to be known as Swaziland, and is also in southern Africa. Book your plane fares now.

2. I received the following from a longtime friend who thought I might enjoy it.

Once I read it, I knew it had to be shared:

Things men do that upset women:

• 1. Lie.
• 2. Be honest.
• 3. Not talk.
• 4. Talk too much.
• 5. Not show emotions.
• 6. Be too emotional.
• 7. Breathe.

3. Words to live by from Mick Jagger, with tongue firmly implanted in cheek:

• Gold medal: “You start out playing rock and roll so you can have sex and do drugs, but you end up doing drugs so you can still play rock and roll and have sex.”
• Silver medal: “Nobody ever wants to hear anything from your ‘new’ album.”
• Bronze medal: “Everyone you meet after becoming famous is only interested in you as a person.”

Honorable mention: “Be considerate of the other guests in the hotel. Trash your room before 10 p.m.”

Steve Thought O’ The Day — Go back to that second thought. How many of you said “Yep!” to yourself once you read No. 7?

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. Can you tell he doesn’t like to travel?