DAILY DIRT: We’re not old, we’re just retro

Daily Dirt for Tuesday, July 22, 2025

The older a person gets, the more ground rules that are required … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 1,350 of The Daily Dirt.

1. Have you noticed how things change as you get older?

If you say you haven’t, you are either not “that old” yet or simply not paying attention. Let me explain …

There was a time whenever I fell on the bed or couch, there was a good chance that’s where I would be for the next eight hours or so. Sleeping was never a problem.

Now?

I have to make certain my arm(s) are in a particular position so that I will have full use of it/them the next day. There could also be problems if I fall asleep on one particular side or the other. Sleeping now requires a series of predetermined postures, almost a game plan.

Getting up is no piece of cake, either. In the old days, when I would awaken I would simply hop out of bed and be on my way.

Now?

It may take three, four, five, even six rocking attempts to remove myself from the side of the bed to reach a standing position. And once in that alleged standing position, there are the challenges of overcoming some slight wooziness or wondering how long that limp — probably from a leg that is still partially still asleep and half numb — might last.

As you age, “going out” becomes less and less a prerequisite for having a good time. I now have certain ground rules before even considering leaving the house — most notably “what time are we leaving” and “what time are getting home”. Other considerations may be “how far away is it we are going” and “what is the seating like” at this place?

If it’s a restaurant we are going to, I’m out the door the minute I see a band or a live DJ begin to set up. For the most part, I like my meals quiet. Also concerning our destination, if it’s a full-fledged restaurant, are there real menus and are they easy to read? All menus must have sizable and block lettering for the old-timers.

I also demand clean bathrooms. If those are disasters, we’re gone quicker than a Dairy Queen sundae on a hot July day.

Oh yes, parking. I am not in the mood these days to drive around the block umpteen times looking for a parking spot relatively close to the restaurant in question. I have no problem going back home and ordering delivery. 

Any of this sound familiar? If not, at some point it will. Trust me on this.

2. Did you know (Part 433)

• That the older you get, you can still remember your first-grade teacher’s name but have trouble remembering what you went to the kitchen to get.
• That the older you get, you notice you are now on a first-name basis with your pharmacist.
• That the older you get, you realize you and your wide are the only members of your family who recall when hamburgers were 15 cents and gas was 25 cents a gallon.
• That the older you get, the first thing you look for when you enter a store is where the bathrooms are.
• That the older you get, you realize your favorite songs are from roughly a half century (or longer) ago.

3. Appalachian word of the day: Budweiser.

“Yeah, she’s really sweet and I like her, budweiser her voice sound like that?”

Steve Thought O’ The Day — Fellow old-timers, we are not ancient. We are simply retro.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. He is certainly a throwback.