DAILY DIRT: ‘When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble’

If you ever move to Switzerland, you might want to avoid getting a pet … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 687 of The Daily Dirt.

1. Earlier this week, I had a conversation with a mom who will soon have a son returning to high school and a daughter heading back to junior high.

She said it’s been a long, challenging — not to mention hot — summer and those school bells could not ring too soon.

“Are you ready for school?” I asked her.

Actually, I never even got that sentence finished before she blurted out:

“YEP!!”

I laughed.

She laughed.

And then I thought of the following medal-worthy observations:

Gold medal: “When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble.” — Mark Twain.

Silver medal:“I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.” – entertainer Lily Tomlin.

Bronze medal:“If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.” – humorist/novelist Edgar W. Howe.

2. We tip our hats to the following celebrities about to celebrate birthdays:

• Former President Barack Obama turns 62 on Friday.
• Roger Clemens, who won seven Cy Young Awards during his MLB career, will be 61, also on Friday.
• Loni Anderson, who was one of the stars on “WKRP in Cincinnati,” will be 77 on Saturday.
• Actor Dustin Hoffman, a two-time Oscar winner, turns 86 on Tuesday.
• Actor Sam Elliott reaches birthday No. 79 on Wednesday.

3. Fun fact

Switzerland actually has laws in place for the following:

• Because guinea pigs are social creatures who grow lonesome without a friend, it’s illegal to own just one of them. The law was introduced in 2008 as part of a legislative effort to grant social rights to pets. (Should one guinea pig die and leave its companion alone — and its owner in potential legal trouble — there are rent-a-guinea-pig services.)
• Goldfish are also prohibited from being kept alone by Swiss law.
• Last, but not least, cats must at least have access to a window where they can see their fellow felines prowling around.

Steve Thought O’ The Day — Seriously, I wonder if anyone in Switzerland has ever done jail time for not having a second goldfish?

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. If we could afford him, Sam Elliott would do all of MRN’s voice work.