DAILY DIRT: When I grow up I want to play for the Trash Pandas or Sod Poodles

How would the St. Louis Sea Unicorns or the Chicago Sock Pockets sound?… Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 585 of The Daily Dirt.

1. Some of the best nicknames for sports teams are found in minor league baseball.

Gone are the days when all sports teams carried rather pedestrian monikers like Tigers, Lions and Falcons. We’re in the era of the Disco Turkeys, Jumbo Shrimp, Blue Rocks and Sky Carp, especially when it comes to minor league baseball. 

And here are my 10 favorites:

• 1. Rocket City Trash Pandas.
• 2. Binghamton Rumble Ponies.
• 3. Sugar Land Space Cowboys
• 4. Amarillo Sod Poodles.
• 5. Hartford Yard Goats
• 6. Norwich Sea Unicorns.
• 7. Burlington Sock Pockets
• 8. Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs
• 9. Richmond Flying Squirrels.
• 10. Savannah Sand Gnats.

2. I think even non-pro wrestling fans are familiar with the late, great Andre the Giant, who was always billed as 7 feet, 4 inches tall — but was actually “only” 6-9. He weighed as much as 520 pounds.

At last report, Andre still held the record for alcohol consumption at one sitting. He once drank 156 beers, or 119, depending on which account you may believe. The 156 beers would represent more than 14 gallons. The 119 beers would be more than 11 gallons. In one sitting, he also would drink as much as a case of wine. Or 40 vodka tonics.

Andre died at age 46 in 1993 in Paris. His real name was Andre Rene Roussimoff.

Jake Flossen wrote the following for mentalfloss.com in 2018: “By most accounts, André was a jovial giant, content to play cards, socialize, and enjoy all the food and drink his success afforded him. During matches, he amused himself by stepping on an opponent’s long hair or wringing the sweat from his singlet into their face. In one bout, Jake ‘The Snake’ Roberts recalled that André waited until Roberts was on the mat before he squatted down and unleashed his flatulence. ‘This went on for like 30 seconds,’ Roberts said. ‘Giants fart for extremely long periods of time.'”

3. Stacey O’Brien returns today with these deep thoughts:

• “People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well, if anyone would like to sponsor me, I will you send you a selfie a day.”
• “When you ask a Midwesterner how’s it going?:
• “Living the dream.”
• “Oh, it’s going.”
• “Another day, another dollar.”
• “Could be worse.”
• “Any day above ground is a good day.”
• “Another day in paradise.”

Thanks, Stacey. (She’ll return to these pages soon. Very soon.)

Steve Thought O’ The Day — Working for the Muddy River News conglomerate is the modern-day equivalent of living the dream.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. He’s still basking in the glow of his new shirt.