DAILY DIRT: Yep, they actually recorded these dandies

Note the first sign in thought No. 2 and tell me that wouldn’t be a great song title … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 642 of The Daily Dirt.

1. One of the most enjoyable forms of what I call “entertainment addiction” is always trying to find the funniest (or worst, depending on point of view) song titles.

I have one ground rule, however, and it’s an important one. The song title has to come from an established artist, not just some fly-by-night talent looking for attention.

These are some of my favorites from over the years:

• “You’re the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly” — Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty: If you’ve never ready much about Loretta Lynn, her story is hardly one you might expect.
• “I’ve Been Flushed From the Bathroom of Your Heart” — Johnny Cash: This may not be found on many of his all-time greatest hits albums, but if Johnny’s singing I’m listening.
• “Please, Daddy, Don’t Get Drunk for Christmas” — John Denver. Of any artist I would not have expected to record a song with this kind of title, it would have been the late, great John Denver.
• “You Can’t Have Your Kate and Edith Too” — Statler Brothers. The Statlers never recorded a bad song, including this one.
• “What’s Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made a Loser Out of Me)” — Jerry Lee Lewis. If ever a song and artist were a perfect match, it may be this one.
• “Thanks to the Cathouse (I’m in the Doghouse With You)” — Johnny Paycheck. Yep, this is the “Take This Job and Shove It” guy.
• “My Uncle Used to Love Me, But She Died” — Roger Miller. One of the great underrated talents of our time.
• “She Got the Gold Mine, and I Got the Shaft” — Jerry Reed. Yep, the “Amos Moses” guy.
• “Here’s a Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares” — Travis Tritt. The anthem for every jilted boyfriend ever.
• “Dropkick Me, Jesus, Through the Goal Post of Life” — Bobby Bare. Bobby is 88 years old and still performing.
• “If the Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me” — Jimmy Buffet. The perfect song, I would imagine, if you’re wasting away in Margaritaville. 

2. These actual thoughts were found on actual signs:

• “If you are in it up to ears, keep your mouth shut.”
• “I used to suffer from soap addiction, but I’m clean now.”
• “The Pillsbury Dough Boy is my roll model.”
• “Never make snow angels in a dog park.”
• “Cows have hooves because they lactose.”

3. Let’s wish these celebrities a happy birthday:

• Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys turns 81 on Tuesday. He still wishes they could all be California girls.
• Singer Lionel Richie will be 74 on Tuesday. Say You. Say Me.
• On Thursday, singer-actor Kris Kristofferson reaches 87. So will Bobby McGee.
• Drummer Mick Fleetwood of Fleetwood Mack turns 81 on Saturday. Maybe he’s ready to Go His Own Way.
• Actor-director Clint Eastwood will be 93 on Sunday. Go ahead, make his day.

Steve Thought O’ The Day — I still can’t believe John Denver recorded that song.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. Maybe John Denver was Rocky Mountain high when he wrote that one.