DAILY DIRT: ‘You look like something I’d draw with my left hand’

Daily Dirt for Thursday, Sept. 8, 2022

Admit it. We all love to administer a quality insult. … Welcome to today’s three thoughts that make up Vol. 391 of The Daily Dirt.

1. You know those times you wish you had the precise insult to lay on someone who is annoying you to no end?

Well, as always, the Daily Dirt is here to help. File away the following 10 cracks for just the right moment:

• “I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.”
• “You are so ugly that when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a ticket for littering.
• “It’s hard to get the big picture when you have such a small screen.”
• “Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.”
• “The last time I saw a face like yours I fed it a banana.”
• “Anybody who told you to just be yourself couldn’t have given you worse advice.”
• “Someday you’ll find yourself, and will you be disappointed.”
•  “You look like something I’d draw with my left hand.”
•  “If stupidity was painful, you’d be in agony.”
•  “Anybody who told you to just be yourself couldn’t have given you worse advice.”
• “I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?”

2. The days continue to dwindle in the MLB season.

To me, these are the three most interesting storylines between and now and the end of the 2022 campaign:

1. Aaron Judge’s pursuit of the American League home run record — and his free agency that will follow. What kind of contract will he possibly get, and who (outside of New York) could possibly ante up?

2. Hopefully, Justin Verlander can return from injury around mid-month as scheduled and cement his third American League Cy Young award. Remember, the 39-year-old future first-ballot Hall of Famer missed virtually all of 2020 and 2021 due to Tommy John surgery. If Verlander does win the Cy Young at age 39, he won’t be the oldest to ever accomplish feat — Gaylord Perry was 40 when he won in 1978 and Roger Clemens was 42 in 2004. But neither of those pitchers were coming off Tommy John surgery.

3. The best divisional race down the stretch looks like it will be the American League Central where the Guardians, Twins and White Sox are in a virtual dead heat. The difference might be provided by Guardians manager Terry Francona, who is acknowledged by most critics as the reason Cleveland even has a puncher’s chance. Throughout his career, Francona, whose dad, Tito, played for Cleveland, has inspired his players to perform well above what others expected from them. This year’s Guardians team is a prime example — so far.

3. Here’s a good pop music trivia question the next time you have friends over:

The Beatles, Usher and Justin Bieber are the only three artists to have both the year-end No. 1 and No. 2 songs in the same year. The Beatles “I Want to Hold Your Hand” and “She Loves You” in 1964, Usher with “Yeah!” and “Burn” in 2004 and Justin Bieber with “Love Yourself” and “Sorry” in 2016.

Steve Thought O’ The Day — The Justin Bieber part of that third note really surprised me. I would have guessed Shane Bieber before Justin.

Steve Eighinger writes daily for Muddy River News. He had the world’s first recorded case of Bieber Fever.