Eighinger: The black soul of the candy world leads the Inferior Five


Not all candy is created equal.Sure, there’s plenty of good stuff on the shelves at your favorite supermarket, but there are also certain offerings not fit for man nor beast. Some, in fact, are downright disgusting.

Who doesn’t smile at the sight of a Milky Way? Who doesn’t feel their heart race at the first glimpse of a Kit Kat? And who has a difficult time withstanding the temptation of a Hershey bar, with or without almonds? On the other hand, who were the confectionery workers who thought more than a handful of people might like the following candies, the ones I consider the Inferior Five:

1. Black licorice: This is the black soul of the candy world. Andy Kryza of thrillist.com hints the guy who invented black licorice is the same kind of person who would suck the cream out of a Twinkie and replace it with mayonnaise. It’s hard to argue with that. Black licorice is simply awful.

2. Good and Plenty: Once again, no one likes black licorice, not even if you put a pink or white candy coating on it and call it “Good and Plenty.” In fact, it makes the a bad situation downright intolerable. “This is the ultimate grandma candy,” writes Marisa Blankenship of spoonuniversity.com. “(This candy) is not good, but you do get plenty.”

3. Circus peanuts: It’s difficult to even try and describe the taste or texture of these things. “Though they look and (kind of) feel like marshmallows, this candy also looks like it went stale the last time the circus came to town,” offers Christine Muscarella of oola.com.

4. Candy corn: “Yes, it might look good in a decorative bowl on your kitchen table right before Halloween,” said Samantha Maxwell of mashed.com. “But, when the season passes, you can throw that candy corn straight into the trash.” Or better yet, don’t even buy it in the first place.5. Necco Wafers: There are six flavors of these chalky-tasting little things, including clove. C-l-o-v-e.

Found on Facebook

The week’s best from our favorite social media platform:
“I got hit by a rental truck. It Hertz.” (C’mon, that’s worth at least grin.)

“Some people think that Ohio State football is a matter of life and death. Let me assure you, it’s much more serious than that.” (Hey, I’m not arguing.)

“It’s weird being the same age as old people.” (Don’t I know!)

“Three hobbies you can start today: 1. Buy bacon. 2. Cook bacon. 3. Eat bacon.” (Hmmm … maybe I should give up baseball cards.)

Overrated, underrated, part six

Learn something every day, folks. “Six” is six in both English and French. In Spanish, it’s seis. In Serbian, it’s sest.

Overrated: Actor Will Smith, an intelligent, witty personality … but name one movie he has made that has been memorable. Just one. (PUBLISHER’S NOTE: Wild, Wild West, Independence Day…All I got, sorry. JRG)

Underrated: Julia Stiles, who has always been one hit away from being a megastar (but then, aren’t we all?). Her best work has arguably been in four “Jason Bourne” films.

Overrated: “Young Sheldon,” the CBS sitcom that was downright funny and well-written in the beginning, but it ahs grown quite tedious in recent years. Season five is upcoming, and it needs to recapture some of its early juice.

Underrated: “Yellowstone,” on Paramount, is simply the best show on TV, bar none. Its fourth season will be unveiled sometime this fall (rumor has it arriving in October). The series follows the Dutton family, owners of the largest ranch in the United States. What sets this program apart from others — besides the gratuitous violence and off-color language — is the strongest supporting cast on television, anchored by Cole Hauser as farm hand Rip Wheeler.

Happy birthday

Al Roker, NBC meteorologist: America’s favorite weatherman will be 67 on Friday.

Barbara Eden, actress: The former “I Dream of Jeannie” girl will be 90 on Aug. 23

Cal Ripken Jr., Hall of Fame baseball player: The Iron Man will be 61 on Aug. 24.

And in the gone, but not forgotten category of August birth dates:

Kenny Rogers, singer: The Gambler was 81 when he died in March 2020.

Sean Connery, actor: The man who made James Bond a household name was 90 when he passed in October 2020.

Ted Williams, Hall of Fame baseball player: The Splendid Splinter was 83 when he died in July 2002.

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