GOUGH: How Steve Eighinger tried to ruin his boss’s anniversary and the Fourth of July all with one question

My wife, Ellen, and I were married on July 4, 1992 at St. Angela Merici Parish in Florissant, Mo. in North St. Louis County.

The Cardinals were playing the San Francisco Giants in California that day, so we did not attend the game. Had the game been in Busch Stadium II … she might have ended up at the ballpark in her wedding dress at some point.

We ended up in Chicago and Wisconsin for our honeymoon. We attended games at Wrigley Field and Milwaukee County Stadium, where the Brewers used to play.

So I decided for our 33rd anniversary that we would take the train for a day trip to Chicago to watch the Cardinals and the Cubs. With both teams’ colors being red, white and blue and baseball being America’s Pastime (it’s not anymore, having been passed by football years ago, but just go with me) it sounded perfect.

We hit a little pregame rain, but we hung out in the Cubby Bear across from Wrigley and had lunch. There were a few Cardinals fans sprinkled through the venerable bar and grill and we had great food and cold beer.

We made it into the stadium grabbed more beer ($15 apiece for at 16 oz. Busch Latte, including the tip, of course) and sat in our seats in Section 204. We had two seats on the good side of a support beam and the Cubs fans around us were fun.

Then Miles Mikolas took the mound.

Mikolas has had one great season for St. Louis. He went 18-4 as a starting pitcher, was an all-star and finished in the top 10 in National League Cy Young Award voting, the award given to each league’s best pitcher each year, in 2018. He was also an all-star in 2022.

But he hasn’t been very good since then and has always had a little trouble with giving up home runs, at least 25 a year in every season since 2018 except for the COVID-shortened 2021 campaign.

But there he was in the bottom of the first inning facing the arch-rival, division-leading North Side Small Bears.

First batter, left fielder Ian Happ, hits one to the track. Close, but no cigar. Man, a cigar would’ve been great to have yesterday, but they don’t allow smoking in ball parks and my wife hates them. I have like one a month, so let’s not act like I’m Winston Churchill.

After the second out, the Cubs get back-to-back home runs from DH Seiya Suzuki and center fielder Pete Crow-Armstrong, who just looks like he’s going to be a stud. And these are no doubter homers. Just bombs.

Since the Cardinals entered Friday’s game having been shut out by the bottom-of-the-division Pittsburgh Pirates in THREE STRAIGHT GAMES, two runs already felt insurmountable.

After St. Louis went down 1-2-3 in the second, tra-la-la-la-la, here come the Cubs again. First baseman Michael Busch (Ellen’s comment: “Shouldn’t he be playing for us?”) and catcher and former Cardinal Carson Kelly each with tape measure shots. I mean these balls probably showed up on the air traffic controller screens at O’Hare Field.

Giving up four home runs before getting four outs? Not winning baseball.

Cards’ offense remains on the side of a milk carton in the top of the third. Bottom of the third, Pete Crow-Armstrong is back. Man, this kid already has a lot of jerseys in the stands. And he shows us why with another home run. Two batters later, not to be outdone, Busch bashes another as well. Neither of these balls are cheap homers. Mikolas is getting beaten up like he called their mamas ugly.

Since Busch just homered again, I guess I’ll have another of the beers he was named after.

Six home runs in the game’s first three innings. Wrigley Field day games in perfect weather have always been hitter-friendly, but for the love of Pete (Crow-Armstrong on this day) …

Cards get a run in the fourth inning. A homer by second baseman Brandon Donovan. A run. Yay!

Mikolas then proceeds to sit down the Cubs 1-2-3 in the bottom of the fourth. There he goes. He’s just settling in!

But wait. PCA (that’s what the kids call Crow-Armstrong) only gets a single in the fifth. After a Dansby Swanson groundout, Busch is back. If he doesn’t homer, I won’t have another beer.

RBI single. Whew, thanks for saving me that money, Mike!

Mikolas pitches a scoreless sixth. I get sometimes having to have a pitcher wear one just to save the bullpen for the rest of the series, but letting him allow six home runs? And the guy has stunk it up all season?

John King comes in the seventh. Maybe homerfest is over. Time for a hot dog.

King gets the first two outs before another PCA hit, just a single, thank goodness.

But Swanson joins the homer party by hitting Chicago’s seventh of the game. Now Busch is back. It’s the seventh. Last chance if I want beer. I’m in line to get a hot dog and I just order a Coke Zero go to with it.

Then I hear the roar.

Three home runs from Busch and EIGHT home runs given up by the Cardinals.

At least the timing saved me from another $15 beer. The $9 Coke Zero was a much better deal.

So I eat my hot dog on the way out (we had seen enough) and Ellen and I grab an Uber to Union Station and catch the train home. I got to see history (despite the 11-3 loss by St. Louis) and spend a beautiful day at the ballpark with my girl. In the words of the great philosopher Ice Cube …

I get up early to take the dogs out and do my morning MRN duties (yes, on a Saturday on a holiday weekend. News never stops. Brittany Boll and I are cranking content today) and I read Steve’s Daily Dirt with this headline:

DAILY DIRT: Cardinals have been one of major ’25 surprises, should Oli be in manager of the year consideration?

Are you freaking kidding me? After what I just saw with my own two eyes and after what I’ve watched the last two seasons?

No, Steve. Oli Marmol should not be National League Manager of the Year.

J. Robert Gough is the publisher and general manager of Muddy River News. Ellen Duffy-Gough is known around MRN headquarters as “The CEO” or “St. Ellen.”