Opinion: Becky Niewohner was one of a kind, but in death, she becomes domestic violence statistic 

Rebecca “Becky” Woodward Niewohner was a beautiful person.  She was model pretty, smart, quick witted, energetic and loving.   She contributed professionally and personally to our community.  Even more than all that, she was a wonderful mother, daughter and friend.  My co-worker, my dear friend.

In early 2000, Becky became a member of the health promotions team in Adams County.  One of her first roles was to serve as the coordinator for the Eighth Circuit Family Violence Council.  It is beyond ironic that her life would end as a victim of domestic violence, murdered, as 3 to 4 women are each and every day. The most dangerous time for many, as it was for Becky, is when they are trying to leave their abuser.    

Most of Becky’s career in Adams County was spent as a women’s health instructor.  She was the best.  Seriously the best … amazing at writing and reporting grant information, planning and coordinating classes but most of all, inspiring women of all ages to improve their health.  She was loved by her “students” and, from the beginning of each series, she knew their name and their story.  

Becoming a mother to Becky was a little scary at first.  She wanted to do that even better than anything else that she could do.  And in her style, she immersed herself and excelled at that in a way that none of us would have imagined.  I remember the first time I called her and she said, “My daughter and I are baking cookies.” 

I laughed. Baking cookies … she sounded so happy and satisfied with her life.  

Throughout her adult life, Becky struggled with mental illness and substance abuse.  She went to treatment for her substance abuse and had been in recovery for six and a half years when she was taken from us.  She continued to participate in treatment for her mental illness.  The struggle was real, but her strength of character and her motivation to be a great mom kept her moving forward to get healthy.  

All that makes it so hard to comprehend why this happened to her.  John Michael Dean took her life by placing a gun against her head and pulling the trigger.  Hard to imagine that he could do more to her than that.  But, because he is also guilty of the social disease of domestic violence, he could and he did much more.

Dean’s performance at the trial was that of a classic abuser.  He called Becky and her daughter “his girls” several times.  Becky was a grown woman, not a girl.  Her daughter has a loving, actively involved dad who co-parented with her mom since her birth.  She was not Dean’s girl. 

His assertion that he originally lied and admitted to shooting Becky so that her daughter would never know her mother had killed herself was cruel and self-serving at best.  Had he cared about this young, vulnerable child, he would have been accountable for his actions, admitting what he did and accepting the consequences.  

To expose moments of Becky’s deep despair and pain related to her mental health issues in order to save himself was cowardly. Proof beyond any that he never loved her.  He was obsessed with her from the very beginning and used all sorts of tactics to control her, to own her.  Obsession is not love. 

An abuser will minimize, lie, blame the victim. If none of that works, he will assume he can get by with it or that the consequences will be light.  That is what John Michael Dean, with the collaboration of his defense attorney, chose to do. 

Toward the end of the trial, it was hinted that maybe Dean was guilty of a much lesser offense related to having the gun accessible.  Unbelievable, but again, the tactics of an abuser, to minimize and try to get more lenient consequences. 

Domestic violence wasn’t mentioned in the trial.  It was demonstrated.  Domestic violence Is anything from a look to a handgun.  The abuser is charming to alarming.  Those of us sitting in the courtroom each day of the trial saw this in action.  

The truth shall set her free. The truth is Becky knew what she had to do to get better.  She had to move out of the home she shared with Dean and create a safe, loving environment for herself and her daughter.  Sadly he killed her rather than allowing her to be free of his control and obsession.  

Becky was unique in life. One of a kind.  In death, she becomes a statistic of domestic violence.  

Rest in peace and fly high, dear Becky!  

Cindy Eddy is a retired public health worker and substance abuse counselor currently providing group based PAIP (Partner Abuse Intervention Services) for men and women who perpetrate domestic violence-working in Adams County.